it's been a long time since I have written anything meaningful. writing meaningful things is a difficult preposition,everyone is well aware of that.
what i was not aware of was the loss of innocent humor from my words, i was nauseated by all those jokes that turned sour, one by one, waiting for their turn in an endless file, waiting for me, to touch them, with my putrefying fingers, and make them sour, curdle them.so that they could stink, nauseate even more, magnify my craving for fresh air-an innocent joke that will turn sour with touch.
I forget to mention those words full of rage that wait in another file, to be let out, released in the outer world like spores. they are waiting to come out and explode in fresh air, bring new life, poison life; bring new life, poison life.
A then i recall that life is an overrated commodity, you never come out of it alive anyway.
this makes me feel better, because it absolves me from responsibility of living intensely, being full of life, preserving life, making it choke, making it putrid, making it turn sour..
that is a happy thought, for i hate this smell of jokes turned sour.
i hate everyone who says that love will keep us alive, for i know that it will not,.
i hate everyone who says you must be full of love, you must be compassionate, for being full means you choke for air..
i hate those who say that you must purge yourself, for that is a path to non-existence, and there is no reason for non-existence..
writing anything meaningful often needs you to be reasonable, which in turn means that you must forsake reason sometimes, or at all times.
it is difficult to find reasons, for example reasons for writing anything meaningful.
the danger is that you may not like the reasons, or you may not like the outcome of those reasons. that makes you scared, that makes you non-committal, unsure of all reasons,
for fear is closest you come to unreason.
the fear is that you might find reasonable fears, and then you will have to act upon these, which is perilous, which brings you closer to the edge-it takes only one false step.
it is easy to take one false step when you are closer to the edge,
Edges are ruled by unreason, and unreason is indifferent.
it becomes that much easier to take that one false step, amid innumerable reasoned ones, and this is to be expected, it is quite reasonable to have that one stroke of unreason.
there fore i do talk sense occasionally, and i like jokes even though i know that they will turn sour eventually, for it's not about what happens eventually. that much unreason make you light..
the putrefying fingers eventually heal if they get enough fresh air, the stink does get diluted eventually, and then we have smile, i can smile once again-on jokes that did not turn sour..
